and then, depression set in

Listen--as much as I am capable of deluding myself for decades, there comes a time when stark reality slaps me across the face and I have to admit that it's just not working.

This is one of those times.

In conversation earlier with the lady who has generously donated space to both Autogenic Alchemy and Lady Disdain, we decided jointly that her continuing to fund at least the Lady Disdain part of the equation was madness--I haven't sold one thing, not one thing in six months. And before that? I sold two dollarbie mirrors. And that was it for the last six months before that.

(I don't count the charity efforts; they do sell, but as they don't make anything I can donate towards rent...)

So today, I've taken down everything I had for sale in the store, the store itself, and killed Lady Disdain Creations, the store group. There is more than a touch of sadness to this, but let's be honest--I wasn't putting out new things even on a monthly basis, and my heart really hasn't been in it for the last year.

So...end of store project. I fail as a merchant.

I will be putting up one or two items on the Marketplace, but I don't expect sales there either. That's just the last sputtering stubborn intent of my merchanting ability, which, as I have regretted learning, is pretty much nil.

It's been...I won't say fun, but it's been something. And now, it's all over but the actual funeral.

Y'all excuse me, I'm going to go kill things on City of Heroes for a while, where I at least feel somewhat less ineffectual.

not dead yet

So, the leg continues to heal--slowly--far slower than I wanted--but I am to the point of hobbling around, and slowly getting away from absolute reliance on the brace (which, again, was specially designed for the right leg, not the left. So...these are all good things.

What's wrong? Still not spending enough hours on the main comp to finish the Wear Gray outfits.

How'ver, I do have the Wear Gray brain jar at the store--check back entries for the SLUrl, and I'll likely put it in the sidebar at some point--so you can always drop by and donate. And there are Wear Gray stands at Hair Fair, so you can donate independently to them, or to Wigs for Kids, even without buying anything at either event.

And Sanura Snowpaw has been very understanding, and says if I do get something finished, she'll give me wall space somewhere. So that's cool, too. Because it's a great cause; as with most cancers, the more research that's ongoing, the likelier it is we'll find a cure.

In the meantime, there's Wear Gray. And I'll dig out the SLUrl for them in the next day or so, now they're open. Go look at the offerings of designers who didn't get injured, and help 'em out if you can.

the slow, steady, infinitesimal sense...of progress

SO...I was slated to be in two hunts and another charity event. One of the hunts booked up the day I applied, so that was that (and likely a good thing, considering). But I'm still in the Unknown Hunt and the Wear Gray for a Day charity event.

The Unknown Hunt I am telling myself is not a large worry; they don't officially start for hunting until October, so I have time. Wear Gray, on the other hand, starts September 12th, which is--now--eight days hence.

I'm worried because first, my hard drive died, and it took too months to get a new drive. Now, I had been working on designs, but three days before we procured a new drive, something ate itself on my machine--I lost access to EVERYTHING I'd stored on the desktop, but also on internal folders. The only folder that remained clear was something I'd extended off from C: and...frankly, that was a lot of work lost.

We installed the new drive, I started transferring files over (both that I'd burned off from that one available folder, and files saved from before the first drive died), and then two days ago, I injured my leg (SOMEhow), and was stuck away from the comp, elevating the leg, applying ice to lower the swelling.

Now, I have a netbook, and it is a peachy-keen netbook, and I love it and I cuddle it and it is wonderful--for what it is. It will run Second Life, it won't do major graphics. And up until recently, photography was laughable.

So...I'm stuck. I've contacted one of the organizers behind Wear Gray with questions, but I'm not hearing anything back. I will likely send another notecard, along with an IM, in a couple days. But in the meantime, I'm having to face it--if I can't use the main keys, I can't finish the projects I'm planning for the events.

The Unknown Hunt has more lead time. I think my leg will feel better in a few weeks, no problem, and I'll be able to get back to pixilating bandages on dead skin. But Wear Gray? I just don't have it done. I was at the point where I had mocked-out patterns, and started to do template work without aging--but all I've really gotten accomplished? A half-aged pair of gloves.

Yeah. Really.

So yes, I'm worried. If I don't get the mummy skins done, hey, I'll do them for the store. Not a problem. I'm working on two store texture sets, and one--or the other--would also work as a gift. SOMEthing will be done in time for Unknown.

But the 12th...that's very nearly just a week from now. A week from now will I be able to sit at my desk without elevating the leg? I just don't know.

I'll keep you posted.

On the plus side--and this is good news--I finally have everything fixed and running in the main store lobby. By that, I mean, I have:

• the Virtual Haiti relief kiosk for donations
• the Thrifty Goth group join board
• the Unknown hunt board
• a Midnight Mania board up and running (with one of the Darkest Carni outfits in it, bloodspattered stripes, pretty sure it's still the only way to get that particular dress for the moment)
• the Wear Gray donation jar
• the Lady Disdain subscribe-o-matic board
• the notecard-giving logo board
• and two vendors for two different vodoun veves sets, both sending all proceeds to Haitian earthquake relief

Not bad. Next up: getting non-charity products up for sale!

[Also, yes, I am amused at my brain. I can just barely manage to vaguely hint at something going wrong on the main blog, but here and on Twitter? I can give all the RL details I think are meaningful and relevant.

[My brain is weird. But then, this is nothing new for anyone who knows me.]

it begins anew

There are times when conventions become rote, when expectations pall, when creation is less the fire that sparks creation, and more the sullen embers fanned to no flame at all, the taste of bitter nostalgia heavy on the tongue.

But forget all that; that's for the other blog.

Yes, I finally decided to make a shop blog. I can't use Autogenica as a launching field indefinitely; I'm still announcing there, but I thought it was far and away time I concentrated on one thing at a time.

So; this may create some confusion, following, therefore, I will enlighten you:

Welcome to the Train Wreck: Emilly Orr's personal blog, which will now cover everything it's covered in the past, save for product launches;

Autogenic Alchemy: the former conjoined shop blog of Autogenic Alchemy, still hosting Mr. Fawkes Allen's diverse creations, and Lady Disdain, Emilly Orr's charity and texture ventures; from this date forward, it's just Mr. Allen's product launches, for the most part;

Disdainful Musings, Lady Disdain's shop blog, for product launches and charity updates.

I'm still pondering whether I want to start a shop group, when I could just as easily announce things here, and on the Subscribe-o-Matic for Autogenic Alchemy, which frankly, gets used once a millenium. I'll let you know when I decide.

In the meantime, expect five new frocks soon: the "clean" versions of the Operation Squeegee dresses. (The "Oilslick Green" dress will only ever be offered at Operation Squeegee. Three more days to get that, or the five oilstained frocks available there, which also are editions limited to that event.

Learn more about Operation Squeegee here.

In the meantime, look for new announcements soon!